1. |
Water Street, 2am
01:59
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2. |
Oh Well
04:24
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If I’m here, I’m nowhere
Somewhere strange & free
Ease into a second summer,
Or just an early fall
Pretty sure though, I’m not where I belong
Like a light cutting through early-morning fog
All the sun in my eyes takes it’s time
When the winter finds you,
Like you know it will,
You can fight it tooth & nail but
It’s nothing you can change
Pretty sure though, I may not make through.
If the first snow’s the last one I ever see
Let it all come down & swallow me.
Like a birch, brittle-barked and shallow roots,
Hollowed-out but alive, as far as we can see
Beats a heart under leaves buried deep in white
Out of sight, out of mind, but stubbornly survive
If there ends up time left,
& if I find my voice,
I hope I find profundity
& words to say
That mean something
That’s greater than
(At least equal to)
My time here,
It’s time overdue.
All the words we write & the shit we read
Is the time we waste, a paralysis
Am I counting down? What am I counting on?
It’s a hazy mist I thought I’d never miss.
But I wanted this,
At least I thought I did,
Well it’s too late now, seasons they pass.
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3. |
Cosmic Joke
03:44
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Lost track of life somewhere halfway between
A waking nightmare & feverish dream
Can’t find a reason to hold on anymore
Hasten toward some inevitable end
If life’s a season, I’ll be around again
In the first snowfall in the winter of our days
Ran out of words, found I’m stuck with my tears
The last few months seemed to age me ten years
It’s like a joke with no punchline or release
From slate grey sky comes a blanket of snow
A fleeting beauty in a broke, ugly world
Covers the fault lines, buried like landmines
Put out of mind but in waiting for a last misstep.
How earnestly can I try and fail before I pack it in and say goodnight?
Been waiting for a fog to lift for ten months now, I don’t have ten more
And maybe letting go will free myself to embrace the void
I don’t wanna be the column left standing when the roof caves in and the walls
Come tumbling down
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4. |
Run Into Clouds
04:22
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There are days where the fog burns off straight from the morning
& we’ll see for miles
There’ll be some that slip by unaccounted for, vanished
Like your breath on cold glass
There’s another world
Not much like ours
Close your eyes, guide me there.
The time is now,
It’s all around,
Everything at once & whole.
We always knew that our days were all numbered & counting down
Not long for this world
There’ll be nights when our thoughts ricochet into darkness,
Embraced by some sound
Your echoed name
Cascades down
Verdant hallways back home
Reverberates
From outstretched hands
A billion small fires explode
Will your body remember the shape that we made?
Will you save me some corner, will you hold me some space?
The leaves that came down
In early fall
Won’t know the chill
A flash of light
That’s there then gone,
Pin a wish onto it’s tail
We’ll meet again,
I’ll see you there.
Some things ache greater than love
& I guess this is it
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5. |
Cat Song
03:10
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Can I really be that bad if the cat follows me around?
Oh, I don’t think I know me like you do.
If I’m holding out for change, but things tend to want to stay,
Well, I can’t think of a better place to wait
It’s a place to be in from the cold,
Some kinda home
It’s the cracks in our stories where the light comes pouring in
It’ll wash away in the light of day
Is it cuz she needs a friend and I’m the only one around,
Or does she see something in me I can’t see?
Would you look me in the eye, at least when you say goodbye?
No, I don’t think that you owe me anything
The songs I sing, no surprise, they sound the same
It’s the cost of doing business when you hate your clientele
Can’t please everyone, much less yourself
To be the only one around,
To not need to make a sound,
I’ll try to be the good you see in me.
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6. |
Anywhereing
04:27
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Gone & chased myself off again
Can’t think of a brighter sun
Than the one over the place you thought you might forget
This place looks better in the rearview,
Set to singing some lonesome tune,
“Well, they can’t be all sad songs” I sang it through the tears.
It’s over now
Try to sleep a while
Anywhere you can be distant from yourself
I’ve never felt any stronger wind
Than the one blowing at my back
If I stay planted, it’ll rip me from my roots
Have you ever heard a tree come down?
There’s no way you can forget the sound
The creak before the eerie calm preceding that unearthly thud
It’s over now
Kinda always was
If I think that I could sleep awhile
When you think you’ll finally get some rest
Anything can make a good mattress
A van, a floor, a railroad overpass
These are songs you thought you’d never sing
& there are thoughts that I’m ashamed to think,
There’s a place nothing matters, no one stays.
Like a ghost, abandoned & afraid,
What I need, it changes day to day
Not sure it’s really mine to find
Some have a home, some stay alone,
Some of us were made to move around
Well, is it because or despite
A brighter moon and a blinding light
That I don’t think I’ll be sleeping easier tonight?
I’ll spend a little more time alone,
Got nowhere else to go,
But I’m still thinking there’s a chance for me to finally get it right.
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7. |
All's Well That Ends
04:56
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When sadness shows the door
Will I kick it down, or barricade behind it?
Should I show myself out now
Or dragged reluctant, kicking & screaming?
This depression feels like home
It’s fridge is empty, I’m all alone,
It’s perfect.
I know there will come a day
Can’t just trust the worst will pass me by
Might move in & stick around,
If they get unpacked, I’m stuck with them, uninvited
I’m always on the run
But can’t outpace the mourning sun,
It sneaks up on me.
I’ll turn away from the light,
It burns too strong, it’s blinding bright,
But it’s always present.
Defined by mistakes beneficial
By melodies implied
As much an absence of a “something”
As a “something” of it’s own
A blurry midnight memory
Been wondering where do I go
Those times I’ve outsmarted shadows & darkness can’t claim me
Do I burrow under evergreens
In root systems & shallow streams,
Stay hidden under fresh-laid snow,
With frozen leaves packed tight below
While on the surface, overhead
The world still turns, I heard you said,
“All’s well that ends”
Well, all’s well that ends.
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8. |
Brookside Cemetery Blues
03:31
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I guess I don’t really care if there’s another world
Kinda bored with the one I’m in
And whether or not I come to like it or not,
I’m stuck with what I’ve got
It’s not budging, so get settled in
Can’t remember how I got here anyway
Eventually your friends will leave you alone
Or at least assume you're not around
Well, it’s been half a year and if your friends are still here,
There must be something wrong with them
It’s not forever, we’re here & then we’re gone
Can’t remember how I got here anyway
They’re all just normal nights
Asleep-on-the-couch nights
Drunk but somehow lucid crying nights, alone
With lowered expectations matching lower stakes,
In mediocrity’s embrace,
I don’t doubt the wonder within, just think I’m better without
Or maybe too dumb to even see
I’m chasing something, fuck if I know what
Would I know it if I saw it, would it know me?
They’re still just normal nights
Freeze in the headlights
Drunk but somehow lucid crying nights, alone
Maybe my prayers were answered when I wished for death
And like some joke, this is what’s next,
Donkey Kong off the screen and re-emerge where you’ve been,
Resigned to face it all again
I’m chasing something, fuck if I know what
Can’t remember how I got here anyway
Yeah, I’m chasing something, but can’t say for sure
That that something isn’t also chasing me
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9. |
Maybe Tomorrow
05:02
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Write it down, read it back, and start to second-guess yourself
The words that you wrote out no longer seem good enough
Seemed profound in your head, take a breath & cross it out
A book full of nothings in their impermanence.
Things I know (& some I don’t) start to make their way to page
They’ll sort themselves out, or else stay loose ends
Trace the dots, string the lines, try to find a thread to connect
These half-thoughts & fragments, buckshot ideas.
It starts to feel hollow
As words fall lazy into place
& maybe tomorrow,
It won’t seem so stale & meaningless
Want it to be profound,
I don’t want to seem so down.
Eternal sigh.
Keep it vague, blur the lens, & know just where your limits lie
& you can face up with whatever it is that terrifies
Know by name - at least by feel - those self-destructive tendencies
So you can let go of them, or truly lean in
I’m not proud of how close I’ve come to some everlasting dark,
Some strange culmination to countless songs unsung
If you spend your time under clouds, eventually you’ll end up right,
Wrong and misguided, and numb to the end
It comes for us all, though
That hard rain seems bound to fall
& maybe tomorrow
What words come, if they come all
It’s always some stupid line,
It’s always sung out of time,
And true to form
Cross it out, turn the page, maybe start on something new
With every passage, a growing disconnect
Write it down, read it back, attempt to understand myself
Like some apparition from some other time
Maybe tomorrow
I’ll work until I get something right
& maybe it’s not my fault,
I’ve been up all night
Maybe tomorrow
I’ll wake up somehow better at all this
But likely tomorrow,
I’ll put it off, more of my same old shit
Don’t wanna leave alone,
Can’t help but feel let down
Oh well, one day.
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10. |
The Shortest Path
03:33
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I lost my way trying to find my place in Brooklyn
Without a plan, nothing was found
What I found were endless ways to fuck up,
Whether broken-hearted or fucked-up drunk
When the bottom falls out from nothing
& you realize nothing’s real
While you’re in some far-off city you don’t know
With your past at yr heel
It’s a thorny path trying to beat it back to Hampshire
It’ll tear you up if you can get unstuck
I’ll leave a breadcrumb trail, I’ll mark the turns off,
So if you want, you can remember me
& you may not follow straight away,
You don’t have to come so soon
But I’m hoping I’ll be seeing you in time.
Take your time, I don’t mind.
Hey, we just want to be found
Somewhere for some time
& I guess I hope it’s with you
Somewhere down the line
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11. |
Small Song
02:26
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What you're running from & what you're headed for
Tend to look quite the same
Start to strain a bit to remember better times,
But they seem to escape you tonight
You lived a good life
Between the things you can’t change
Maybe you're running from some sorta feeling
That might be here to stay
If it’s you yourself, not sure you’ll pull away,
But who knows, who can say?
Who can say?
It’s a big world
And the wind, it’ll blow all the same
You could write a song to close the distance
Between the night & the day
& If you sing that song til you believe it,
Pretty sure you’re ok. You’re ok.
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